Friday, July 19, 2013

Shedding Off Happy Face

It is awkward to share my struggles here in my blog and I know, I promised to post things that would inspire you. But there’ll be times that I need to shed off my happy face and show you my heart’s content, and somehow, help me go back to my divine senses.


             
             
               I’m a licensed nurse for 5 years, been hired in a hospital for 2 years. I’m sure madaming  nurse ang magkakandarapa to be in my place. I’m not happy with my work anymore, I get stressed out and tired, even just  knowing the fact that I’m going to work later, it seemed to be a burden to me na. I have some issues with where I’m working, sigurado ako kahit sinong empleyado may reklamo with their boss, their company, etc. Pero it’s not just because of them, it’s because I’ve fallen out of love with my job—BEING A NURSE.  


It’s like you’re in a relationship na hindi kana “in-love” sa partner mo, like how girls call it, wala nang “spark” or “magic”. Before, you just got home after being with him, namimiss mo na agad siya, you’ll text or call him agad. Inaabutan kayo ng madaling araw sa paguusap, the moment you wake up, excited kana agad makasama siya. Ngayon, naiirita kana sa pangungulit at paglalambing niya. As much as possbile ayaw mo na siya kasama sa mga lakad mo, whenever he texts or calls you, deadma kana. That’s just exactly how I feel. I have fallen out of love with my job, or maybe, I am not really in love with it. Dati, excited ako pumasok sa trabaho, napaka bibo ko doing my job. Ngayon, parating may absent ako monthly or late, may mga memo na nga ako e. Hangga’t maaari makapag-log out na at umuwi, or kung pwede, umabsent nalang.


Why I took nursing? I obeyed my mom. Sila kasi gagastos for my studies. And she was so good, she was able to persuade and make me believe that I’ll be a good nurse. And also, uso kasi nursing that time, malaki daw sweldo… That is if you worked abroad.


Ano ba talaga gusto ko? A stylist and a makeup artist. Working to make people beautiful, confident and joyous. When I was in second year highschool, I’ve realized my gift in fashion and beauty. My friends will always grab me to help them with what to wear and how should they look. Tatanungin ako kung bagay ba sakanya yung damit na yun, sapatos, etc. Or kung match ba yung bag na to sa outfit niya, and so fort. Also, I started my small business making earrings, necklaces and bracelets tapos ibebenta ko sa mga classmates ko. I remember, super nag-hit yung business ko na yun, up to the point na I go to divisoria weekly with my mom to buy new materials. Nung third year na ko, I secretly browsed schools where I may study fashion designing. I started collecting magazines, and became so inventive with my outfits.


October 2011, my mom passed away. I believe I took nursing kasi I want to make her happy, proud and feel accomplished. I’ve created my plans, that is to have a hospital experience here in Philippines for few years, work abroad, and bring them (my parents) to other country. All my plans evolved around her, wala kasi sa isip ko na she’ll leave me so soon. Now, I’m struggling. Striving SO hard to start with NOTHING in the industry that I really love.


Now, I’m trying to find a job that would pay me bigger,(so that I can earn enough money to have a formal training as a makeup artist and buy the things that I need), and less time requirement ( so I’ll have enough time to do what I love),hoping that someday, I’ll be working full-time as a stylist and makeup artist. Pero the question is, WHERE DO I START? I’m not a graduate of anything that is related with what I want to pursue. Madalas, I caught myself staring blankly and thinking: “ Ano nang gagawin ko? Pano ako magsisimula? Wala akong pera, education and training  that I can start with. LORD ANO NA?”


I’ve read a magazine where they featured Liz Uy, she narrated how she started and landed with where she is now. She’s a graduate pala ng HRM, she worked as a hotel associate first, then she decided to jump off into what she loved, that is to work in a fashion magazine. That she worked hard for everything, ipon lahat, hindi “thank you dad!”.  I was inspired, na-pump up nanaman spirit ko na kaya ko to, masisimulan ko to like Liz Uy. But after a moment, I came back to realization ulit na, “Pano? Saan ako magsisimula? Anong gagawin ko?”, then I felt low again, hopeless dreamer.

  
"Now Jabez was more honorable than his brothers, and his mother called his name Jabez, saying, 'Because I bore him in pain.' And Jabez called on to God saying, 'Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain.' So God granted him what he requested"--1 Chronicles 4:9-10




I don’t know how I would end this post, I just wanted to vent out my feelings and share to you my struggles, but I hope my post didn’t gave any burden or heaviness to your heart.  


Maybe someday, things will fall to their places, work according to what my heart’s content and work my way into it.
  


Loves and blessing,
Jerose <3



13 comments:

  1. Don't ever give up on your dreams and what you've always wanted in life,.. pray lang tayo ng pray.. if liz can, u too can.. i believe... God bless =)

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    1. Thank you Honey!!! God bless you always! Yes, try and try lang!!! =)

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  2. I feel you Jerose.. Actually, that's what I'm also asking myself now.. Let's just continue to trust God.. He is faithful to finish what He has started with our lives.. God bless! :)

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    2. Hi Ynah! Very correct... I already know that, but sometimes we just really need people to remind and push us to what we need to do. Thank you for being a blessing! Let's keep on looking up! Blessings to you dear! <3

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  3. Two things I noticed...

    "I’m sure madaming nurse ang magkakandarapa to be in my place."

    That's for sure. Maraming tao ang graduate pero hindi maka-land ng matinong trabaho, hindi makapag trabaho for some reason. You should be thankful to the Lord about it. I understand you feeling "inadequate" for now, maybe you're just in a rut and you need to find that something to take your mind off with whatever you are feeling right now. Baka naman bored ka lang and you just need something else na libangin ka.

    "Wala akong pera, education and training that I can start with."

    This contradicts everything. You have the education, you do not have "enough" money to pursue MUA and all those stuff. But it's not true that you do not have the education and the training. You have it, sometimes masyado lang malayo ang tingin natin kaya we miss something that's just there in front of us.

    May mga times na dumarating yung mga desires natin sa puso natin and we feel na sana ngayon na, kung pwede right now na. But God doesn't work that way; there are order of things. Maybe you need to find alternatives, etc.

    I hope you finally find your peace. :)

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    1. Thank you Mareee for the enlightenment, God bless you! =)

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  4. Well, don't give up with your real dreams just yet. I think, you need to clear your mind first of all the worries and doubts. Baka sakaling mas makapag-isip ka kung saan magsisimula. Regroup, restart, then ride it again. Sooner or later makakahanap ka rin ng paraan kung saan magsisimula.

    Actually, ganyan din ang dilemma ko, but it's more of relocating. Sana makapag-relocate na ako sa Davao City (I've fallen in love with the city), kaya lang, same question. Where do I start?

    As to where really to start, search-search lang. Maybe you can have a formal training ala-TESDA or some training school, or you can just jump in and gawin mong puhunan 'yang existing talents mo. Create a portfolio, get some people to work with.

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    1. Very helpful idea jakey.. =) i'm working on my portfolio now! And, I also have the same dilemma, I also fell inlove with baguio, and I really wanted to stay there already. Anyway, may our Lord's will have way... God bless you! =)

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  5. Hi Jerose :)
    I can relate dun sa you browsed fashion schools. I also did that but not after I graduated high school, it's during my college years na. I'm really not happy sa course ko (well it's just okay naman because it's entrepreneurship so it's a general thing) pero kung meron lang talaga akong resources I'll really go to a fashion school. But then we don't have, though my parents let me choose what I wanted to take naman. Now my plans is to save save and save so I can enroll to a workshop and maybe there I can do what my heart desires. Let's just don't stop believing on His plans for us. Sometimes, I can feel na He's really there to fix things out for me, like this fashion blog I'm doing now, it's not really planned, super bigla lang. I don't even know all about it before. Haha, sorry for this long comment, I tend to say a lot (kahit sa di ko kakilala) if I can relate to their story. :)
    Just keep on chasing your real dream! :)
    Smize with Style

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    1. Amen to that Queenly.. Some said to me it's not a "dream",it's "passion"... Dreams when you wakeup, you're back to reality. Pero passion, you'll "kill" for it. We can do this girl!!Blessings to us! ;)

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  6. I feel you Jerose! Ganyan-ganyan din ako. As in bago ko pumasok sa hospital iiyak muna ako. Dati, malaki nga daw yung kita ng pera tapos ngayon nganga. People would often say na sinayang ko yung pinag-aralan ko dahil asa call center industry ako. I want to earn for a formal education of professional make-up and the tools needed for the hobby.

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    1. Oo nga gracey e.. To start with, makeup is a very expensive hobby-business talaga, kaya we need to earn a lot for it. Tapos expensive din trainings and stuffs... Yup, we're very blessed to work in a hospital, pero I guess mahirap ignore yung laman ng heart... Blessings to you Gracey! Hope we'll see each other working our ass on what we love in the near future! =)

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